But sometimes I think that it couldn't be farther from the truth.
When you get to know me, the real me, I can talk your ear off. And even when I'm not super close to someone, I'm not shy necessarily, I'm just not what you would call "outgoing".
Don't get me wrong: I'd love to be outgoing around everyone I meet, the second I meet them. But for me to even get to the point I'm at now has been a struggle.
|(Photos taken by Martissa)|
From trying to find the right words to say, to not knowing how to say something: I feel incapable of putting myself out there to people who probably won't listen. Because I remember how it felt to not be auditorily understood as a child. From day one of toddler babble to the progression of a 2nd grade still having some severe speech problems, I was already misunderstood in the simplest way. Aggravatingly, I graduated speech therapy at the end of 2nd grade. And although it was the end of speech therapy forever, my impediment still resonates deeply with me.
Even today I've heard people's comments on how I read aloud in class, or even if I stutter or say the wrong thing when I talk. Of course, not everyone is like this, but occasionally I get word of it. The thing is: I don't need to hear it from them, because I already know it. I'm working on it and embracing it because that's about all I can do.
Just because I'm quiet, or I don't have much to say, doesn't mean I'm not alive. I have a mind and it works as well as anyone's. And I speak it when I know it's important. I don't waste people's time with petty ideas or stories.
When I played the part of Helen Keller in "The Miracle Worker", I felt connected to her story. I felt a deep appreciation for her. Because even thought she was blind, deaf, and mute, she made her mark on this world. So even though I feel held back by my voice sometimes, in reality there is nothing that can stop me.
People might tell me "I can't" do something but I'm sure people told Helen that too. She had so many setbacks but she is 100 times more intelligent than I'll ever be.